It's healthy to feel

Everyone learns at different times and speeds. Last night I went to the cemetery to visit Jimbo and give him a new stone for his birthday. When I got there, it was drizzling,and there was a lot of lighting around,not to mention the fact that I'm scared shit-less of the dark. So I ended up going back towards LG. I felt soooo bad, and I kept telling him that I was sorry and explaining that I didn't want to get hit by lighting and I was freaking out about how somebody might have been there (well duh, it is a cemetery) and in the end I told him I would go back tomorrow.

So on my drive back, I was crying #1 because I felt horrible for not accomplishing what I set out to do. #2 for missing him. #3 for feeling guilty about questioning why he believed in me so much.

I felt so bad for having these feelings and crying, that I started apologizing to Jimbo.....I finally caught myself for the 8 millionth time, figuring that since it was annoying me so much, that it must have been annoying him. Then I realized that it was okay and that there was no need to apologize. It's totally normal and yes HEALTHY to cry.

So I said "FUCK IT" and went on my merry little way watching the storm,balln' my eyes out, and listening to the music Jimbo had sent me on the radio. In a way I feel like the storm was his birthday present. (he loved them) And he was just sharing it with us to say "it's all good." I mean at least I could get comfort from that, and it brought me an inner peace in some crazy way.

Even when your not sad and you just have no idea why your crying.....I believe it's from other's sorrow and pain, and I just let it flow. Don't get me wrong, more than I'd like, and more than I think is "healthy" I find myself crying but then I think about it and ask myself :

"Self.....what exactly put this healthy not healthy scale in my head? Most likely society." I then say "oh hahahaha right that's why I don't like the media and thus i will cry and be in my bubble of sadness and sorrow for as long as I fucking want to"

You have to admit, after a good cry you really do feel a whole lot better. And if you don't, well then silly your just not done crying. It's okay! The other day I went to visit Jimbo and I just sat there and balled my eyes out. Then I stopped and started laughing (you know the cry laugh thing) then the laughing turned into crying and then I just stopped all together and there was nothing. I was good for about 10 min. Then the tears came over me and the crying began again, like a big fucking roller coaster of the three: Crying, Laughing, and then Silence *Nothing*

Though when I did leave...........I felt so much better. In my opinion it's fucking healthier than bottling your tears inside you. In a way I think even when you do suppress other feelings inside yourself, you're still getting some of those feelings out when you cry. You know what I mean??


Life Lesson # 402:

It's perfectly HEALTHY to cry