Thursday, December 21, 2006
hula hoop
Once inside the house we gathered everyone up and sat down. Andrea and I proceeded to explain the steps to Hula-Hooping.
STEP 1: Get the feel of the Hula-Hoop very important indeed. Make sure to stretch.
Step 2: Be ONE with the Hula-Hoop concentrate.
At this point they all looked at us and said "are you CRAZY?!!!"
We just looked at each other, then at them and said "Well Duh!!!" then began to laugh.
After that, everyone kinda' got up reeeallly slowly and (i guess well..... ran away??) Andrea and I were feeling sad. All we wanted to do was share with them what had made us happy.
So as we lay there sad and confused......
We decided to say "Fuck It!!!" And sat up to think of what we could do to make us happier.
All of a sudden, it had occurred to me.........
we didn't NEED to have everyone Hula-Hoop to make them happy. We just needed to do what made us happy.
So both of us got up, ran outside and began to Hula-Hoop as the sun came down on the earth.
STEP 1: Get the feel of the Hula-Hoop very important indeed. Make sure to stretch.
Step 2: Be ONE with the Hula-Hoop concentrate.
At this point they all looked at us and said "are you CRAZY?!!!"
We just looked at each other, then at them and said "Well Duh!!!" then began to laugh.
After that, everyone kinda' got up reeeallly slowly and (i guess well..... ran away??) Andrea and I were feeling sad. All we wanted to do was share with them what had made us happy.
So as we lay there sad and confused......
We decided to say "Fuck It!!!" And sat up to think of what we could do to make us happier.
All of a sudden, it had occurred to me.........
we didn't NEED to have everyone Hula-Hoop to make them happy. We just needed to do what made us happy.
So both of us got up, ran outside and began to Hula-Hoop as the sun came down on the earth.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
LOVE
Love is:
Being their friend......(even when everyone else has turned their back on them)
Never having to say you're sorry.....(The person has already forgiven you)
Giving and Not expecting anything in return...(I'll scratch your back even if you don't scratch mine)
Always being there for them..... (3:00am and they need someone to pick them up from the bar/ person's house they're feeling uncomfortable at /middle of nowhere and they're just plain lost/etc.......... and you're the only one who answered and live 45min. away)
Helping them out when they need some.....(Physically or Mentally)
Stopping everything to be there for them, in their time of need and comforting ....(even if you haven't seen them in years)
Lending them a shoulder to cry on/an ear to listen/or some arms to hold them .......(especially when they can't seem to compose themselves and feel like nobody understands them.)
Giving advice.....(even when you know they're not going to like it nor want to listen)
Using your sleeve to wipe their runny nose,sobbing eyes, and quivering lips......(Garden State helped me out w/ this one)
Sharing the last piece of cheesecake......(and you're both starving w/a sweet tooth)
Giving them a hug........(and explaining to them that sometimes people NEED one and they are receiving it.....no need to GIVE one back)
*Thanks 4 clearing that one up for me Andrea*
Sticking with it......(love is like learning how to Hula-Hoop you don't just give up because you think you look like a fool, oh no....you get someone else to look like a fool with you) hahahaha
*Two fools are better than one.....at least you have someone to laugh with*
For if the world had no fools....everyone would be too afraid to try.
"IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED TRY TRY AGAIN"
It's admitting to your faults, weaknesses, insecurities,and mistakes, and believing in your strengths,passions,hopes,and dreams. Honoring and understanding both sides..........Even when everyone else is telling you you're wrong. They just might be scared and confused and don't want people to hate and judge them.
*Being true to yourself*
"Be yourself....for if you can't be then who will?"
"Be an individual that's the best way to be"
"Love is like a boomerang....sometimes it comes back to you and sometimes a DINGO runs off with it and breaks it in two....maybe he just wanted to share his love with you."
Love, Alice
P.S.
"Sharing is Caring........It can be fun!"
Thanks for letting me share with you today.
Being their friend......(even when everyone else has turned their back on them)
Never having to say you're sorry.....(The person has already forgiven you)
Giving and Not expecting anything in return...(I'll scratch your back even if you don't scratch mine)
Always being there for them..... (3:00am and they need someone to pick them up from the bar/ person's house they're feeling uncomfortable at /middle of nowhere and they're just plain lost/etc.......... and you're the only one who answered and live 45min. away)
Helping them out when they need some.....(Physically or Mentally)
Stopping everything to be there for them, in their time of need and comforting ....(even if you haven't seen them in years)
Lending them a shoulder to cry on/an ear to listen/or some arms to hold them .......(especially when they can't seem to compose themselves and feel like nobody understands them.)
Giving advice.....(even when you know they're not going to like it nor want to listen)
Using your sleeve to wipe their runny nose,sobbing eyes, and quivering lips......(Garden State helped me out w/ this one)
Sharing the last piece of cheesecake......(and you're both starving w/a sweet tooth)
Giving them a hug........(and explaining to them that sometimes people NEED one and they are receiving it.....no need to GIVE one back)
*Thanks 4 clearing that one up for me Andrea*
Sticking with it......(love is like learning how to Hula-Hoop you don't just give up because you think you look like a fool, oh no....you get someone else to look like a fool with you) hahahaha
*Two fools are better than one.....at least you have someone to laugh with*
For if the world had no fools....everyone would be too afraid to try.
"IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED TRY TRY AGAIN"
It's admitting to your faults, weaknesses, insecurities,and mistakes, and believing in your strengths,passions,hopes,and dreams. Honoring and understanding both sides..........Even when everyone else is telling you you're wrong. They just might be scared and confused and don't want people to hate and judge them.
*Being true to yourself*
"Be yourself....for if you can't be then who will?"
"Be an individual that's the best way to be"
"Love is like a boomerang....sometimes it comes back to you and sometimes a DINGO runs off with it and breaks it in two....maybe he just wanted to share his love with you."
Love, Alice
P.S.
"Sharing is Caring........It can be fun!"
Thanks for letting me share with you today.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Jim a.k.a JIMBO
My friend from high school died on Monday, (He unfortunately took his own life.) He's one of those people that likes everyone for who they are. He never judged anyone. I didn't know him to the extent that his other friends knew him. Although, both of us knew we had a strong acknowledgment towards each other.
Jimbo is one of the few people that understood and listened to others fully and whole hearted. As far as I'm concerned that's one of the best qualities anyone could ever have. I'm so glad I was able to know him, he is for sure NEVER going to be forgotten!
"Bloop bloop" to his spiky hair!(I'm sure i'm the only one who gets that.) Although if you do know what i'm talking about then "KUDOS" to you. He always remembered my name and you all know how fuckn' special I feel when someone remembers me. Jimbo was one of the few people that reminded me, I was worth something and that "yes" I did matter.
Jimbo rocks! He's still with us I fucking know he is. He's watching over all of us right now......and always will.
RIP Jimbo.
Love,
~ Alice in Wonderland ~
Jimbo is one of the few people that understood and listened to others fully and whole hearted. As far as I'm concerned that's one of the best qualities anyone could ever have. I'm so glad I was able to know him, he is for sure NEVER going to be forgotten!
"Bloop bloop" to his spiky hair!(I'm sure i'm the only one who gets that.) Although if you do know what i'm talking about then "KUDOS" to you. He always remembered my name and you all know how fuckn' special I feel when someone remembers me. Jimbo was one of the few people that reminded me, I was worth something and that "yes" I did matter.
Jimbo rocks! He's still with us I fucking know he is. He's watching over all of us right now......and always will.
RIP Jimbo.
Love,
~ Alice in Wonderland ~
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Friday, July 14, 2006
Nonsense
I find it very coincidental that just last week I saw a program on T.V. about Lucille Ball, go home and watch all my VHS tapes about her and now just last night (well really this morning) i saw program about her once again. Things like that make me feel there really is a reason that it happened the way it did.
I drove home from work this morning and just want to say that the "Cheese Box" has the best sandwiches ever......i'm so glad they're open at 9:00am. I don't know what i'd do if they weren't. I love it there. I don't feel judged and I'm totally just myself. It's one of those places that you go in to order a sandwich and end up talking to the people for over 20 min. even after they've finished with your order.
Then i thought about it and realized it wasn't the place......it's just the people. Some people (even complete strangers you've only met once) just have that comfortable sense about them that make you feel at ease. It's one of the greatest feelings when you find someone you just connect with. It's not even because of a sexual attraction. It's just a mutual understanding that both of you have with each other, without even needing to say anything. I think it's got to be a soul thing.
Some souls are older than others and they just attract other old souls. People often tell me that i have a very old soul.
That might explain why little kids flock to me so much and why babies are so mesmerized by me. (Both are just old souls reincarnating into their new home) I swear to god....babies, their eyes will just be glued to me for ever. I won't even have to do anything, they just gaze at me for the longest time. As for kids, they always tell me how cool i am and how much fun i am to hang out with.
Well that's all for now. I'm tired and gonna go to SLEEP!
~Whimsy
I drove home from work this morning and just want to say that the "Cheese Box" has the best sandwiches ever......i'm so glad they're open at 9:00am. I don't know what i'd do if they weren't. I love it there. I don't feel judged and I'm totally just myself. It's one of those places that you go in to order a sandwich and end up talking to the people for over 20 min. even after they've finished with your order.
Then i thought about it and realized it wasn't the place......it's just the people. Some people (even complete strangers you've only met once) just have that comfortable sense about them that make you feel at ease. It's one of the greatest feelings when you find someone you just connect with. It's not even because of a sexual attraction. It's just a mutual understanding that both of you have with each other, without even needing to say anything. I think it's got to be a soul thing.
Some souls are older than others and they just attract other old souls. People often tell me that i have a very old soul.
That might explain why little kids flock to me so much and why babies are so mesmerized by me. (Both are just old souls reincarnating into their new home) I swear to god....babies, their eyes will just be glued to me for ever. I won't even have to do anything, they just gaze at me for the longest time. As for kids, they always tell me how cool i am and how much fun i am to hang out with.
Well that's all for now. I'm tired and gonna go to SLEEP!
~Whimsy
Friday, May 12, 2006
Today is a low one
I hate myself right now and the people that make me feel this way. I really can't stand the news it's never good. Brainwashing bastards who should just shut their fucking mouths. What the fuck is this world coming to?? Earlier today i really wanted to just end it all. Not sure how, but i was thinking of drinking and washing down some pills. What's wrong with me........am i fooling the world? Can't they see i'm a depressed little girl. All i want is to be heard and understood and for all the little bitches to get slapped in the face............oh yes, for real they really should.
Anti-social: No (I don't go around smashing things. I would feel bad.)
Social Phobia: Yes (although i can drive down to St. Louis all by myself w/o any problems or fears of getting lost)
Depression: Yes
Bi-Polar: Haha sometimes I wonder. But them am reminded "that's just me being happy" Some don't understand that talking really fast,jumping from topic to topic when neither one of them have anything to do with the other, and laughing uncontrollably while playing ping pong or square dancing, are just things i do.
ADHD: No i'm quite patient
ADD: Sure we'll go with that
OCD: That one too (2002 same forwards as it is backwards. 6:18pm "happy birthday Alice" The numbers used to get to me a lot more than they do now.)
ABC: DEFG (just keeping you on your toes)
Dyslexic: Oh yeah. I've come to the conclusion that they really shouldn't give pin numbers out to dyslexic people. And if they do don't use the same number twice......that's just fucking stupid. (yeah yeah "just change your pin.") By the time I got a new one, i'd probably remember the old one. I just can't win.
What made me this way? It's not what, but who.
Who: All the judgemental bastards of the world that ever snickered,pointed and wondered what the fuck was wrong with me.(We're all unique can't they except that?)
Why: Because all those bastards are insecure with themselves and need someone else to pick on to make them feel better. They can't go anywhere w/o a posse of peeps backing them up. What are they afraid of.......Getting judged?
What to do: Bitch slap them all.
Am I :
Weird: Fuck yeah, but aren't we all?
Shy: Fo sho Bitch! "Stranger Danger"
Funny: I make myself laugh all the time.....I'm told i'm good @ making others laugh as well.
Sad: More than i would like to be
Happy: Only when I feel loved
Loved: More than I think I am
I can't give all the credit to those bastards, just the bad ones. So i'll go with: Depression and social phobia. If those were gone i'd be happy as a lark.
Just pick one:
Social Phobia.........I can do without!
Anti-social: No (I don't go around smashing things. I would feel bad.)
Social Phobia: Yes (although i can drive down to St. Louis all by myself w/o any problems or fears of getting lost)
Depression: Yes
Bi-Polar: Haha sometimes I wonder. But them am reminded "that's just me being happy" Some don't understand that talking really fast,jumping from topic to topic when neither one of them have anything to do with the other, and laughing uncontrollably while playing ping pong or square dancing, are just things i do.
ADHD: No i'm quite patient
ADD: Sure we'll go with that
OCD: That one too (2002 same forwards as it is backwards. 6:18pm "happy birthday Alice" The numbers used to get to me a lot more than they do now.)
ABC: DEFG (just keeping you on your toes)
Dyslexic: Oh yeah. I've come to the conclusion that they really shouldn't give pin numbers out to dyslexic people. And if they do don't use the same number twice......that's just fucking stupid. (yeah yeah "just change your pin.") By the time I got a new one, i'd probably remember the old one. I just can't win.
What made me this way? It's not what, but who.
Who: All the judgemental bastards of the world that ever snickered,pointed and wondered what the fuck was wrong with me.(We're all unique can't they except that?)
Why: Because all those bastards are insecure with themselves and need someone else to pick on to make them feel better. They can't go anywhere w/o a posse of peeps backing them up. What are they afraid of.......Getting judged?
What to do: Bitch slap them all.
Am I :
Weird: Fuck yeah, but aren't we all?
Shy: Fo sho Bitch! "Stranger Danger"
Funny: I make myself laugh all the time.....I'm told i'm good @ making others laugh as well.
Sad: More than i would like to be
Happy: Only when I feel loved
Loved: More than I think I am
I can't give all the credit to those bastards, just the bad ones. So i'll go with: Depression and social phobia. If those were gone i'd be happy as a lark.
Just pick one:
Social Phobia.........I can do without!
Thursday, May 04, 2006
It's just a word.....or is it??
I really like the word "Bitch" It's such a glorious word indeed. I don't understand the people who get so upset if someone calls them one. I mean "duh!" they want to upset you. Though if you don't let it, you'll just make them pissed and you can go about your day happy. There just fucking words "ooohhh i'm a whore" "oh that really hurts" I mean seriously what is it that makes these people want to call others such words?? Usually i have to be really mad to get to that point. I'd say it's only when I know i'm right and they're wrong. Or if I don't get my way :) Then I feel it fair to say some sort of "profane" word.
I think it's fun and you have to admit ........some words are just fun to say. Besides that it's more likely that you'll get away with it in the end......it's your word against theirs. Just make sure you don't pinch, slap,or bruise the fucker and you'll be fine. Then again, some people (bastards of the world) just need a good "Bitch slap" once in a while........you make the call (to slap or not to slap)
Although, I could be way wrong....but i'm not because it's my own opinion. "So there haha"
I'm really not the violent type. I'd rather just
find some sneaky way to get revenge when they least expect it. Besides that nobody would suspect me "Innocent little Alice" hehehe.
Tip of the day:
"Never assume one is a bastard until getting to know them first "
"For if you assume class what happens???".........That's right "You make an ASS of U and ME"
Besides,there's already enough people making asses of themselves for us to just observe. (You wouldn't want to take their job away from them)
What you learned today:
"Assuming can be very dangerous!" Don't do it without the permission and supervision of an adult. hahahahahaha
&
"Every once in a while someone somewhere needs a nice Bitch slap"
I think it's fun and you have to admit ........some words are just fun to say. Besides that it's more likely that you'll get away with it in the end......it's your word against theirs. Just make sure you don't pinch, slap,or bruise the fucker and you'll be fine. Then again, some people (bastards of the world) just need a good "Bitch slap" once in a while........you make the call (to slap or not to slap)
Although, I could be way wrong....but i'm not because it's my own opinion. "So there haha"
I'm really not the violent type. I'd rather just
find some sneaky way to get revenge when they least expect it. Besides that nobody would suspect me "Innocent little Alice" hehehe.
Tip of the day:
"Never assume one is a bastard until getting to know them first "
"For if you assume class what happens???".........That's right "You make an ASS of U and ME"
Besides,there's already enough people making asses of themselves for us to just observe. (You wouldn't want to take their job away from them)
What you learned today:
"Assuming can be very dangerous!" Don't do it without the permission and supervision of an adult. hahahahahaha
&
"Every once in a while someone somewhere needs a nice Bitch slap"
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
It's time
Okay, so now i'm super sick of being at my house and i'm moving out. I'm not sick of it i'm just tired of listening to the fucking crap that my roomies have to say. Actually they don't say anything and it's driving me mad. The vibe i get from that house is so low and draining.....it's sad. They need to work out their problems without me being the "safety net" that they're using as an excuse not to talk to each other. I know what they're doing.....they don't think i do. People don't understand that i see a lot more than they think i do. (You have to watch those quiet ones) hahahaha They wonder why i'm never home anymore? Whatever. They can bitch all they want when i move out. First time ever to be living on my own. Scary thought for me but i'm sure i can do it........I mean come on i've flown around the world to countries most people can only dream about going to. (and survived watching 2 little kids) I think i can survive living on my own. Did i mention I HATE flying?? Drove to and from St. Louis all by myself (w/o being scared of getting lost once.) And a lot of other things i'm sure count as being super brave and shit. Not once had I doubted myself when doing the crazy drives to and from Milwaukee and St. Louis, or any other place i had never driven to before...i just fucking went and honestly didn't worry. Gurnee at night was scary but that was a diff. story. Driving home at night is hard. Anyway Yep....and so i guess i just have to start fucking believing in myself a lot more, find my inner confidence, without doubting and bringing the "super crazy Alice bitch" I can be....down. TRUST..... it's the hardest thing i have to beat. I need to learn how to "let go" and just trust myself.
-FIN
-FIN
Sunday, April 23, 2006
The Anger Deep Within
So i feel like i don't fit in ANYWHERE. I have no idea what i'm supposed to do to not feel this way anymore. I mean yeah i guess i could just put myself in the most uncomfortable position and force myself to go out and "meet" people.....(no not like a date) but i just end up shrinking down into my shy self that has been portrayed onto who i think is everyone.
I've already tried it and it just makes me not ever want to do it again. "Go with a friend" nope.....it won't work. I feel like everyone in the world is listening to my conversations and then i get way too scared. I feel like everyone is judging me and so i automatically put up a wall. Where does this stem from?? I used to think it was from school and how all the kids were always snickering behind my back and i was always labeled the "shy weird girl" But then when you get out to the "real world" all the people who are shunned for being different are the ones that become the word isn't coming to me......but you know they're the ones who everyone is wanting to be?? i guess that's the best i can explain it.
So i thought about it again and realized that "yeah" those kids were super fucking cruel, but it didn't start there.It started from when i was thrown around while growing up with my mom. Do i resent her for it and is this why i'm not being able to "let go?" maybe.....i'm not really sure.
So growing up.....I don't really feel like i ever really did. I've always felt younger than i am. Though at other times, i can't believe the people that are my age and how fucking stupid and immature they can be. It's like they have no respect or common sense in them what so ever. It pisses me off! That's when i realize i'm way more mature than they. It's so sick: Why can they be so out going and comfortable with it and yet i can't? Sure i can act super goofy and be myself at times, but usually it's because i'm in the smallest of groups.
I don't trust people. What, what in life made me this way, i've just this second come to the conclusion that it's not fair!!!! I went through a childhood filled with fucking shit that no child should every have to go through, and now i have to pay for it? Depression,fear of people,trust issues,shyness,hatred towards myself, feeling that i don't DESERVE to be loved, feeling that i don't matter,that i'm NOT important??? That's just wrong!!!!!!!!!! That's so fucking insane and i don't fucking deserve it. I didn't do ANYTHING wrong!
I wasn't the one who asked to be sexually abused while growing up. I wasn't the one who wanted my mom to drink herself into a fucking coma so that i could go up to her at the age of three, and put my ear to her chest to feel if she was still breathing, i wasn't the one that said "hey yeah, i REALLY want to go to ANOTHER foster home" I wasn't the girl who thought it was fun to get stopped by the cops every time my mom got drunk and had to be shuffled off to yet another foster home. I DIDN'T ask for it. I HATE my mother (is that wrong?).....i wasn't the one who liked the feeling of confusion on "mother's day" of feeling so stupid when all the other kids had moms to give cards to and i didn't but i STILL had to make a fucking card. Do you know what that's like?? Maybe you do, but do you know what it's like to get home from school and have to hand your foster mom her card and piece of fudge the class made, and then have her "REAL" daughter tell you that "you're stealing my mom away from me" That fucking hurts!!
Makes me really feel WANTED and LOVED so much!!!!!! :) Oh yeah, those are some good memories. It's such an awkward feeling it's like your stomach aches, you get that feeling in your throat where it seems like there's a golf ball stuck in it and you want to cry but you can't.
Even to this day i hate mother's day and father's day, and all those "super cheesy fucking Hallmark days" And certain words just make me wanna barf: "supper and meal" are two of them. They're so fucking FAKE. I HATE THEM!!!
So is it wrong that i have anger issues?
i'm "implosive" not "explosive"
Is it wrong that i want to know who's driving,how long they've been driving, and if they wear their seat belt?
Is it wrong to want to know what kind of drunk you are?
Is it wrong that i have "trust" issues?
Is it wrong that i can't say "i love you" to my mom?
Is it mean to never want to talk to my mom when she calls?
It might be mean, but is it wrong??
So i guess all in all for having the fucked up childhood i had, i think i turned out pretty damn well.
-I'm more aware of my surroundings
-I have a keen sense of direction(i'm not afraid of getting lost on the road)
-I listen to and follow my intuition
-I'm not a slut
I'm sure there are more, but i'm tired and i'm going to bed. (With the lights on) ...........gotta love that fear: darkness is scary!
Good venting. I needed that.
I've already tried it and it just makes me not ever want to do it again. "Go with a friend" nope.....it won't work. I feel like everyone in the world is listening to my conversations and then i get way too scared. I feel like everyone is judging me and so i automatically put up a wall. Where does this stem from?? I used to think it was from school and how all the kids were always snickering behind my back and i was always labeled the "shy weird girl" But then when you get out to the "real world" all the people who are shunned for being different are the ones that become the word isn't coming to me......but you know they're the ones who everyone is wanting to be?? i guess that's the best i can explain it.
So i thought about it again and realized that "yeah" those kids were super fucking cruel, but it didn't start there.It started from when i was thrown around while growing up with my mom. Do i resent her for it and is this why i'm not being able to "let go?" maybe.....i'm not really sure.
So growing up.....I don't really feel like i ever really did. I've always felt younger than i am. Though at other times, i can't believe the people that are my age and how fucking stupid and immature they can be. It's like they have no respect or common sense in them what so ever. It pisses me off! That's when i realize i'm way more mature than they. It's so sick: Why can they be so out going and comfortable with it and yet i can't? Sure i can act super goofy and be myself at times, but usually it's because i'm in the smallest of groups.
I don't trust people. What, what in life made me this way, i've just this second come to the conclusion that it's not fair!!!! I went through a childhood filled with fucking shit that no child should every have to go through, and now i have to pay for it? Depression,fear of people,trust issues,shyness,hatred towards myself, feeling that i don't DESERVE to be loved, feeling that i don't matter,that i'm NOT important??? That's just wrong!!!!!!!!!! That's so fucking insane and i don't fucking deserve it. I didn't do ANYTHING wrong!
I wasn't the one who asked to be sexually abused while growing up. I wasn't the one who wanted my mom to drink herself into a fucking coma so that i could go up to her at the age of three, and put my ear to her chest to feel if she was still breathing, i wasn't the one that said "hey yeah, i REALLY want to go to ANOTHER foster home" I wasn't the girl who thought it was fun to get stopped by the cops every time my mom got drunk and had to be shuffled off to yet another foster home. I DIDN'T ask for it. I HATE my mother (is that wrong?).....i wasn't the one who liked the feeling of confusion on "mother's day" of feeling so stupid when all the other kids had moms to give cards to and i didn't but i STILL had to make a fucking card. Do you know what that's like?? Maybe you do, but do you know what it's like to get home from school and have to hand your foster mom her card and piece of fudge the class made, and then have her "REAL" daughter tell you that "you're stealing my mom away from me" That fucking hurts!!
Makes me really feel WANTED and LOVED so much!!!!!! :) Oh yeah, those are some good memories. It's such an awkward feeling it's like your stomach aches, you get that feeling in your throat where it seems like there's a golf ball stuck in it and you want to cry but you can't.
Even to this day i hate mother's day and father's day, and all those "super cheesy fucking Hallmark days" And certain words just make me wanna barf: "supper and meal" are two of them. They're so fucking FAKE. I HATE THEM!!!
So is it wrong that i have anger issues?
i'm "implosive" not "explosive"
Is it wrong that i want to know who's driving,how long they've been driving, and if they wear their seat belt?
Is it wrong to want to know what kind of drunk you are?
Is it wrong that i have "trust" issues?
Is it wrong that i can't say "i love you" to my mom?
Is it mean to never want to talk to my mom when she calls?
It might be mean, but is it wrong??
So i guess all in all for having the fucked up childhood i had, i think i turned out pretty damn well.
-I'm more aware of my surroundings
-I have a keen sense of direction(i'm not afraid of getting lost on the road)
-I listen to and follow my intuition
-I'm not a slut
I'm sure there are more, but i'm tired and i'm going to bed. (With the lights on) ...........gotta love that fear: darkness is scary!
Good venting. I needed that.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Music
First off i guess i'd just like to say this is my first post, and "I can't spell to save my life" SO you're just going to have to deal with my crappy spelling problem. THANKS.
Music is so fucking great i so love it!!! I mean yeah everyone does, but for some reason i really love listening to depressing music when i'm sad. I for whatever reason it might just be, feel SO much happier in the end and don't feel sad. Funny eh? I just love how that feeling of unexplained warmth is inside and you just feel so alive. It makes me want to cry.
The other night i was listening to the radio and my roomie just so happened to be talking with her friend and didn't like the song that was playing at the time and i just LOVED it and went into the room and started dancing (i'm not the type to do that often) and i was so happy. I had gone to the other room right before that had happened and was so uplifted and happy........started to clean the room.
Music is so fucking great i so love it!!! I mean yeah everyone does, but for some reason i really love listening to depressing music when i'm sad. I for whatever reason it might just be, feel SO much happier in the end and don't feel sad. Funny eh? I just love how that feeling of unexplained warmth is inside and you just feel so alive. It makes me want to cry.
The other night i was listening to the radio and my roomie just so happened to be talking with her friend and didn't like the song that was playing at the time and i just LOVED it and went into the room and started dancing (i'm not the type to do that often) and i was so happy. I had gone to the other room right before that had happened and was so uplifted and happy........started to clean the room.
She got really annoyed and turned it off after saying some stupid comment like "i can't stand this music/song!" I got back into the kitchen and got pissed so i took my "jammin' boombox"(it's so super ghetto it's not even funny.) and took it into my room to listen to. She then was like "what the fuck is her problem??" Not realizing that she ALWAYS criticizes my taste in music. AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! So i'm then in my room and end up falling asleep. Right when i get to that point of dreaming she bangs on my door......i was going to answer it but then realize "i don't fucking want to."
She ends up coming back like 2 times, and the 2nd time i finally answer the door. The time between the two had to of been like 3hrs. because i looked at the clock and it was like 4:00am. what the fuck?? She comes up to me and expects an answer out of me right then and there......i just woke the fuck up! Let me focus on where the fuck i am and adjust to the lighting. She was like "why were you so pissed?" Did she not know??? How could she not have understood? So i finally explain myself after debating w/myself if it was even worth it....for she had already been drinking and wouldn't REALLY care. Even though she is a very loving drunk. So I tell her, and she's like "well if you would have told me that in the first place i would have never of done that." WHATEVER yeah right fucking BITCH!!!! She hates every type of music i've ever listened to. I don't poke fun at her music...even though sometimes my "inner Alice bitch" really wants to.
I'm sorry, but when it comes to music....in my opinion you should NEVER judge others for liking a certain type of music. I listen to everything and though i don't care all that much for hard core "rap" and really twangy "country" but i can deal with it if I'm stuck in a car for 5 hours. (that might just be because i'm a very patient person though) yeah, I might not like it, but that's a diff. story....i'm not going to right off the bat complain about how crappy this music is. If you don't like it and someone else does....then just deal with it for at least that one song and perhaps afterwards, you can come to an agreement that all of you like. It's just common courtesy. Well okay, i think i'm done venting.
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